Funny enough everything was going perfectly.

I was more focused in my preparation than I have ever been
training just felt right,
my nutrition was on point.

My business is doing really well
the girls in my Sports Model Project look absolutely beautiful
and are coming into amazing shape for their shows.

I flew to America in the absolute best shape of my life.
When I got to LA some awesome things happened to me.

I got to have a photo with Arnie.
If you haven't seen "Pumping Iron" or listened to Arnie talking to Tim Ferris you're missing out.
He has such charisma and a powerful mindset (like us all he has messed up to)
and he is a real inspiration.

I connected on a really deep and powerful level
with some creative strong women
who I really admire.
They made me the most beautiful theme wear.
I feel really blessed that we got to spend time together
and that I was the muse for their creative genius.

It is so important for women to have female role models
women who we admire.
Renata and Alex are women that I really admire .

The show was in the Ebell theatre in Hollywood
On show day the hair and make up team was running a few hours behind
I was super stressed because it looked like I wasn't going to get on stage with make up.

Disaster was imminent.

My saviours Renata and Alex ran out onto Rodeo drive found me the most amazing girl
Fou Fou to do my make up (its actually one of the best jobs I have had).

So than it was time to get on stage and I was filled with l the regular nerves but I loved to

I won the Miss North America Pro Fitness Title in LA.
I am the first ever Australian to win a pro title.

Afterwards I felt like I had lost.

People say that you learn more from defeat than victory but I don't think that's true.
Last week I nearly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

That's why it's taken me a week to talk to you about what happened when I won.

It's because I spent 7 days trying to convince myself that I actually lost.
That I didn't deserve it that
that even though I looked great in my prep leading up to the show
I didn't look my best on the day.
Maybe the judges were just being nice to me.

It made me have good think about what serves me.

There are parts of us that serve us at different times and not others.

Hunger serves us
it makes us eat.
But if we are full and not satisfied
and we are still hungry
than that hunger no longer serves us.

I am so fucking hungry to be the best in the world
and that hunger drives me to be unsatisfied with second best
even if it's second to the vision I have for myself.

It drives me to train harder than you,
to be more disciplined than you,
to get better than you because
I want to beat everyone

I want to be number one.
So my hunger serves me.

It served me when I was a little girl doing gymnastics.
Even when I won I always questioned my performance,
it was never quite right
and I was right it wasn't.
That hunger, that dissatisfaction with first
is what allowed me to keep expanding into the space that surrounded me.

But last week my hunger wasn't serving me
my hunger was snatching my victory away from me
and watch out because this is something I see really strong,
successful women just like you and me doing it all of the time.

Do you constantly put pressure on yourself to be better
and then forget to actually smell the roses when they bloom?

So I talked to my brains trust about the things I could change in my preparation.
My nutrition
my training
the way I organised my travel
my sleep
how much water I drank
I dealt with the practical stuff.

Then I had a deep mediation on what happens in my mind right at the moment that I'm successful.

The truth is
all the bits of us
serve us.

Sadness, happiness, anxiety, calm, striving, satisfaction

But wisdom is knowing when those bits are needed and when they are not.

So I need the unsatisfied 8 year old gymnast,
she drives me to be Elite.
but I also need the wisdom to know when she isn't serving me.

So here it is.

I'm the North American Champion.

I KNOW I'll bring a way better package to the Worlds in Toronto.
The other girls not only have to catch up to where I was
they are going to have to get to where I'm going,
and I have so much improvement left in me.

So for for this week
and maybe a little of next
I'm going to enjoy being the champ for the first time,
but after that I'll let hunger serve me
so that every moment,
every effort,
all my intensity will lead me to win the WBFF in August.

Thank you so much for the love and support,
it's really meant so much to me,
sometimes when I couldn't see it
you could
and i really appreciate it.

Love and light Hattie

xoxox